woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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