Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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