I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
