before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
