omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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