you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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