New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
