Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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