it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
