if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
