Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
