nut hugger
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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