hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
