Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
