I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
