That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize