I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
