left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
