someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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