the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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