My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
