Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
