ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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