i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
