she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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