It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
