Soap is not a condiment
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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