I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
