If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
