He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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