Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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