Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
