Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
