wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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