remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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