So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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