Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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