Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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