to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
