Me too!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
