Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
