I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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