Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
