Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
