My cat gives me a boner
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
