This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You made out with two different species that night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
