just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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