Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
