It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
