thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
