I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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