I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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