Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
