I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
