i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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