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• (317): View more from Indiana

  when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

  Fav 28 4104 1230

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• (562): View more from California

  I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

  Fav 6 3063 1435

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.

  Fav 5 1162 1809

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.

  Fav 1 1313 858

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.

  Fav 1 695 1624

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• (813): View more from Florida

  There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You're so thoughtful.

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• (916): View more from California

  Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".

  Fav 4 1260 787

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY

  Fav 2 1391 619

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate

  Fav 1 148 13

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Yes!

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• (516): View more from New York

  Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.

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