I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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