take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
