SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
