Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
