I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
