the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
