you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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