my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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