His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
