This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
