I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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