The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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