I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
