Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize