Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
