thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
